Wednesday, May 7, 2008

summer sounds like

hot asphalt cheap wine b-movies and few faces.

The night before I left for Truman this year, I sat on the porch through the most unexpected and liberating storm of my life. As I believe in omens, I knew that this would be a year of trial and change but that it would ultimately leave me very much alive. And I was right- this year has been nothing but a string of red letter dates from my coming outs to my poor choices in the drug-and-alcohol department to various other mistakes I've made and people I've hurt as I tred new waters. My friend dynamic has been revolutionized; my classes have doubled in workload and difficulty. And I've left a lot of the past behind. But I'm here, I'm happy, and I'm ready for more challenges and more change.

Which is why I fear the summer so greatly. Few familiar faces will be around, and I'm worried about slipping into some old, bad habits. I cannot afford to spend another summer wasting, but I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to avoid that if left alone. Oh well - I'll have Jo for 6 weeks, and I know Katherine and Maggie are going to be around for a while. Perhaps I will grow this summer much more than I expect; perhaps these next few months will be anything but reckless regressions.

For now, I'll just have to hold on to the amazingness that has been the past few weeks. True, they've been stressful as hell, but more than manageable with all my new and old friends. Thanks, lovelies:)

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